Our little secrets

A good friend told me that she has begun acting on a same sex attraction she has been pushing away for years.

“Fine,” you might say.

Except she’s married, and her husband is supporting it.

“Good,” you might say, “as long as everyone is happy.”

Except that all the people involved are Christian.

“So what?” You might respond, “God made us who we are and they’re all consenting adults.”

True. But what you might say is not what’s on my mind. It’s what I might say.

I’m a Christian too, in fact I’ve shared my faith closely with this friend and have leaned on her for prayer again and again. But here she is, clearly living outside of the boundaries of acceptable sin.  Yeah, I said acceptable sin. You know – the sins that everyone participates in so everyone overlooks them – that’s acceptable sin. Just bring up politics in a room full of Christians for a demonstration.

We’ve talked about my friend’s feelings about God and the church and they’re not as black and white as “God wants me to be happy and the church doesn’t.”  Her question is more “If God all loving what does that look like?” I translate that as “Can God forgive me so I can be happy?”

What does God’s unfathomable love look like anyway?

I know a roomful of Christians who would tell me I shouldn’t associate with this sort of decision.  I should tell her what the Bible says and if she chooses not to be my friend anymore, so be it. I can’t grasp that. It’s too easy.

To quote verses and hide behind the notion that I don’t want to be tainted by her sin is ridiculous. Something you do to feed your own sense of holiness. The one that says “I had a friend who decided they were gay and then they stopped being my friend because they didn’t want to hear about God.”

Fact is, it’s easier NOT to deal with the problems that will arise in the life of a friend who is dealing with this. It’s easier – cleaner – to walk away with a quick hug and a promise to pray for them.

I kind of want the other way. I want to get dirty and muddy and beat up as I walk the road with my friends and family, and they walk it with me. Dear God how thankful I am that they choose to walk it with me.

I may not choose to leave my marriage for a same sex relationship but each day I live with jealousy, pride, greed, sloth – you name it and I’m probably guilty. Sometimes they quote the Bible at me but you know what? They only do that when they know I’m ready. When they know I’ve admitted to a sinful behavior and committed to confront it, then they are my accountability. In the meantime, they are the heart of Jesus.

I thank Him that none of us are too good for His love.


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